It started with small things, mostly visual. In March, 1999, I traveled
to Washington DC for a meeting, then on to Ft. Lauderdale to meet my
family for spring break.
On the trip to DC I could not find my boarding pass shortly before
boarding. When I left DC the same thing happened. I just thought I was
getting very careless and gave it no more thought.
In Ft. Lauderdale more visual symptoms cropped up.
At a spring training game the scoreboard did not match the action on the
field. When I cam back from taking my daughter to the bathroom I had a
hard time finding my family. When we drove back to my brother's house I
stopped and had him drive because something did not seem right. Other
things cropped up. I type with two fingers while looking at the
keyboard. Instead of the "a" key I kept hitting Caps lock and realized
I was "shouting". When reading I realized I was missing words. My wife
thought I had had a stroke.
When I returned home, I called my doctor at home on a Sunday (yes, he is
that kind of doctor). He had a scan set for Wednesday, my wife and I
saw the neurologist and neurosurgeon on Thursday and the surgery was
Tuesday. I had radiation and chemo (BCNU) as well as stereotactic
radiation. I was very fortunate to be at University of Missouri
Hospital, a teaching hospital. Other doctors might not have been so
responsive to my symptoms.
I had a recurrence in 2001 with successful resection during which they
implanted Gliadel wafers.
In 2002, they thought I had another recurrence but it was only scar
tissue and radiation necrosis. I went out of network to UCSF for that.
My only issues since then have been medications and a small seizure in
addition to a minor impairment to my left side peripheral vision. I
continue to work full time, now at the State of Missouri. I know how
blessed I have been and I try to help others who are impacted by GBM and
other brain tumors.
When I turned 50 I told people there was a time in my life I never
wanted to turn 50 and now I couldn't be happier turning 50. I have
learned a lot of things from my experiences and these are just a few of
You learn quickly who is not comfortable with their mortality.
Have someone with you to listen, ask questions and remember. A couple
of times the neurosurgeon responded to my wife that no one had asked him
Don't fear knowledge. As my wife said many times," There is nothing you
can tell us that is worse than we can imagine".
My shorthand for it is that I visit the future but I don't stay there.
God does not do these things to us. He gave us the gift of life which
brings uncertainty and good and bad things. When tough times hit, He
can comfort us much as we can comfort each other.
Nothing much has changed since my original submission. My health is still good and I continue to work full time and enjoy it.
I have gotten more involved with several web sites and email groups – NBTF Message Board, ABTA Sharing Hope Stories and CancerCare Online Support Groups. These activities help satisfy my need to help others living with cancer, especially brain cancer.
Update: 6/7/2008: I was featured on CNN!
In March 2009, I had a grand mal seizure. Between that, the meds and some other issues I could no longer work full-time and retired in June of last year. I also applied for and qualified for disability. Fatigue and mental sluggishness have been issues. It is manageable and the good news is my health is otherwise good so long as I am careful about what I do. I have done physical therapy to help address some of those issues, like dizziness, balance and gait. I also did a neuro-pysch test which showed reasonable stability compared to the test done seven years ago. I did find it interesting that the test really could not cover some of my more significant issues like the speed and comprehension of my reading - both down noticeably. I also struggle somewhat with verbal instruction and memory, especially if it is complex.
Of course, the best news is I remain tumor free eleven years after the initial diagnosis and treatment.
I am still engaged trying to help others and that has been extremely gratifying. While there are many new treatments and new knowledge there remain fundamental truths about this disease that can be better explained by someone who has gone through this as a patient.
I continue to enjoy my retirement and have had no serious health issues related to my tumor or treatments. I get satisfaction from assisting persons with brain tumors and their families.
I continue tumor-free and with no significant health issues. I did start on a CPAP machine last August, not for sleep apnea but for shallow breathing. There was a suggestion it was a brain issue, i.e., some lack of signaling, but I have not had a definitive answer.
I remain actively engaged in the brain tumor community, primarily working with brain tumor patients and their families Besides VirtualTrials, I am in a Facebook group that has grown to over 300 people in just a few months and just found the http://www.cancercompass.com/ site which is somewhat similar to the VirtualTrials on-line support group. It does have a brain tumor group and uses threaded conversations. Also, you can search the site on a topic and find related conversations.
I am also very active in our Boys and Girls Club.
My medical status is unchanged - tumor-free since 2001. I receive an annual scan and follow-up with my neurosurgeon. My health is good. I started walking in January with an initial goal of an average of 10,000 steps per day during the week. I was up near 20,000/day and since dropped to 15,000/day. Between January and July I lost 22 pounds. I also was more careful watching what I eat and in moderation.
By the way, I'm often asked whether I had any special diets or alternative treatments during my regular treatments and the answer is no. I have no idea whether anything else helps or not but I would take the advice for physicians - first do no harm.
Nothing has changed since the last update. I did start being involved with Cancer Hope Network. As always, I am gratified I have the chance to reach out to brain tumor survivors and family. I just wish those chances were fewer and farther between.
Things remain pretty much status quo medically. I had an annual scan and visit with my neurosurgeon in April - no sign of tumor and no other changes. I receive two or three referrals a month from Virtual Trials, Cancer Hope Network and Immerman Angels. Very little of the conversation is about the treatments themselves. Most of it is about what people hear from their medical team, what meds they are on, how they or their loved one are doing and other issues they are dealing with. It is clear to me the need for this is immense. I am surprised at how often patients are not given support and encouragement from their medical team and even family and friends. I believe some of this is because brain cancer is different......it is about who you are and where your tumor is and what treatments you have had that can change that, sometimes dramatically, at least to the observer. And the patient is experiencing the new normal, which can be so far removed from the old normal. It is good to have survivors as a resource but more should come from the medical community. My prayers for all brain tumor patients and those who love and care for them.
On the GBM front, I continue tumor free with no changes in mental or physical health, just a very mild case of the flu during the holidays despite a flu shot. Who knows how bad it would have been otherwise.
As a 15-year survivor, I do think back over this long journey and what my feelings were at different stages. I have thought about, and continue to think about, my brain and what the long term impact is of surgery and treatments. The encouraging thing is that there has been a lot of work and research to help those facing these issues. As with everything else about these disease, there is always hope.
We have a friend who worked with my wife and retired several months ago looking forward to everything she planned in retirement with her husband. Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with GBM a week later so I have watched him deal with this and her provide for his care. Unfortunately, his path has been much harder than mine but I do have hope he comes through OK but the chemo has been hard.
One unfortunate thing I hear too often is the message conveyed to patients when mention is made of survival statistics. Are they good? No. But they are much better than when I was diagnosed 15 years ago. Long-term survival was like the unicorn - a mythical creature. Just looking at survivor stories tells a tale. When people mention the stats, I remind them that the stats are from five years ago because that is the nature of these. And they are the median, so half live longer and half less. I choose to be in the better half. And being aggressive in seeking treatments and solutions can only help. And take care of your physical and mental health - give your body the strength to fight this disease with all it possesses. Stay informed and no site is better than this one for that.
Finally, manage your docs and your care. If you are not sure you are getting the best, don't settle. Go find it wherever and with whomever it might be.
I continue tumor free and in generally good health. I also regularly communicate with persons with GBM or their caregivers, offering them information and hope. I always refer them to the Virtual Trials site as the best, most comprehensive resource. I also have been blessed to become a grandparent for the first time and there truly is nothing like it in the world.
Things continue to go well medically with very few changes since the last update. Family remains central to my life, especially Peyton, our ten month old grandson. He is special and something I never could have imagined 15 years ago when I was diagnosed. Volunteering is something I find great satisfaction in, especially our Boys and Girls Club, where I get to see us make life better for so many kids in Jefferson City. After all the love and support I have had over the years it feels good to give back and make a difference for future generations. I am truly blessed.
My health remains essentially unchanged from the last update. I remain in awe of all those who deal with brain tumors. One can only be encouraged by all that has transpired over the last few years. I feel there is more cause for help than there has ever been.
The biggest change in my life has been my grandson, now 20 months old. Just about the best thing about being a long term (16+ years) survivor. Family is what it is all about for me.
On April 1, I reached 17 years as a brain tumor survivor. I have been blessed to be tumor free since my second surgery in 2001.I did have Gliadel implanted then and that may be a big part of the reason for my long survival. One thing I have learned is that often what works for one person does not work for another. But it is important to talk to your doctors about whether something is an option for you.
The biggest change I have noted over the years is that we know so much more about brain tumors and how they work. The related points are that treatment may need to be more tailored to the individual and that a combination of treatments may work best.
On my annual visit with my neurosurgeon we discussed why he recently decided to retest my tumor. He told me did just to confirm it was GBM since it was so unusual to have such a long term survivor. Interestingly, many years ago the relative of a friend of mine who works at UCSD insisted to her that my tumor could not be GBM because I had lived so long.
I also recently saw my neuro-ophthalmologist. I see him annually because there is a possibility of damage to my optic nerve due to the treatments I had, primarily radiation. There were no changes from last year.
He also checked my peripheral vision which was mildly impaired by the second surgery. It has created some minor issues on my left side and looking down meaning I take extra care when walking. No changes there, either. If you have ever had a visual field test you know it is a bit like a video game but with real world implications.
He also showed me the scan from the MRI which we viewed electronically. It is amazing to see it on the screen in such clarity. I could clearly see the hole or vacant area where the tumor was. It is always weird to see my scan and realize it is a picture of MY brain. Even after 17 years this is all a bit surreal. I often tell people you could almost get me to believe this never happened until I felt the scars on the upper right back of my head.
One issue that comes up every year during the scan is when they do the contrast. Because of the intravenous chemo I did after the first surgery my veins like to play hide and seek and it often takes two or more times to find and keep a vein. I really do not mind all the sticks but I feel bad for the techs. My record for one try is four. This is even when I try to stay hydrated and use a trick a nurse friend taught me to let one arm dangle much lower than the other.
Over the years I have donated to a variety of groups for brain tumor causes.
In April I was involved in my first fundraiser.
Head for the Cure held a 5k in Columbia, Missouri. A person I knew from my years in Missouri state government used to work for the CEO of HFTC and was helping coordinate the event. So it turned out to be a small world when he asked my neurosurgeon at Ellis Fischel Cancer Center to suggest a volunteer and he asked me if I wanted to get involved.
At the event it was so gratifying to see so many people engaged in doing their part to help and to hear so many encouraging stories.
I was asked to say a few words. My message to them was simple. There is hope. There is always hope.
On April 1, it will be 18 years since my diagnosis of GBM. The good news is I remain tumor free. For me now the whole experience feels a bit surreal, like it happened to someone else. You might almost convince me I dreamed (or nightmared, if that is a word) it all. Of course I only have to touch the upper, right back of my head to know the scar and the small indentation means it really happened.
There really is nothing much to update on the medical front. I have a few side effects from some of the treatments. I have some peripheral vision issues from the second surgery and some neuropathy in my right foot from long ago intravenous chemo with BCNU. All of this combined with aging has created some issues going up or down stairs with no handrails and walking on uneven surfaces. But nothing that prevents me from doing most of what I like or living a normal life.
I hit Medicare age this month but I have been on it once I qualified for it after going on disability.
I continue to enjoy my family, especially my three year old grandson.